I hate Douchebags! I hate them so much I have a list, well Tweetly and I have a list! Pretty much if you are on the this list you're an asshole and you're not worthy of anyone's time but especially ours! So in other words you're a motherfucking son of a bitch douchebag who likes to mess with people.

1) S. H., you know who you are! I should have known that I should have stayed away when he did everything to piss me off and to get on the Douchebag list. Then the games, and the rudeness and then he thought it would be okay to ask for a picture of my underwear, but he didn't want to have a relationship with me. Then when I told him that he can't ask for things like that and his response was "I can and I will." Then he decided it would be fun to call me repeatedly and when I answer he says "I am out of control!" Guys, never EVER say to woman that she is out of control! And plus he doesn't even know what me being "out of control" is like!

Okay, I am done now! Love you all!

Today I can't really feel much. I want to feel but its not happening. I can't even sing, and I can't even begin to understand what I am feeling. I don't even know if I will ever get over this pain. The worse part is that there really isn't any pain, just an absence of feeling. No one can fix this, no one can put me back together except you. I feel like throwing up. I feel like going to sleep for a long time, I don't know how long but just long enough so that when I wake up I feel again. Maybe there is something really wrong with me? I feel like I should be crying, yet no tears come.

Is this my valley of the shadow? Will you carry me? Are you even here? Of course you're here, there is no denying that.

Tears are welling up, but I can't cry now. Now is a bad time. now is the time I need to leave so I can be at work on time.

"[I am] broken, what must [I] do to restore
[My] innoncence, and all the promise
Give [me] life again
Cause [I] just want to be whole"
~ "We Are Broken" by Paramore

So it has been about two years since I have posted a Xanga entry. And not a lot of stuff has been happening except I graduated from high school and I am now in community college, which is gay. I don't really like school, I like my classes like Geogers and yeah thats it.

Anyway, I am writing this because maybe I can figure some things out if I write them down. Or type them down.

First, I want to believe I can sing, I really, really do. I love to sing, if I could be anything in the world it would be a rockstar.

Second, I met an amazing person last week. In fact he makes me feel like the only person alive when I am with him. He is so wonderful. And I feel so girlish around him. I like him a lot. So yeah..... And I know you're reading this so, yeah I don't want to go in to much detail, unless you want to know.

Third, I am watching The Office which is quite possibly the best show along with 24 and House. Which ends this week! And so does The Office. :'(

Fourth, I love what God has been doing in my life of late. He has blessed me with so many wonderful people and things that I can never be grateful enough! Thank you Jesus for rescueing Sidney and bringing him home to his family. And thank you bringing everyone in my life INTO my life.

Fifth, God I wish I knew what I am supposed to be doing with my life but I know that you have a plan, and I know you want me to trust in you so I will!

Well thats all for now cause I have a date with Facebook! And for the one person who reads this, kinda like the one person who watched my youtube videos, I expect some sort of feedback!!

Till next time!

Love~

Sammie

Poem I found! It's from junior year.

All I ever wanted was to be with you, but now I see that you're nothing that I thought you were
I thought I could change you, but I only succeeded in changing myself
I thought I could take away your pain, and all you did was deepen mine
I wanted to take your demons away, to protect from your past, to save you from your misery
In the end you betrayed me, denied me, and left me
The only thing I have left from you is the things you said
It wasn't that I wasn't good enough for you, but that you were not good enough for me
Your choices prove that I am right, I don't need to take away your demons
I need to take away my own.